


The night before leaving

by blackimpala



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, s9 spoilers, s9e03 continuation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-27
Updated: 2013-10-27
Packaged: 2017-12-30 15:59:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1020605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackimpala/pseuds/blackimpala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So I was bored and I decided to write this.</p>
    </blockquote>





	The night before leaving

**Author's Note:**

> So I was bored and I decided to write this.

Dean told Castiel that at least, he could sleep in the bunker that night, because he wasn’t going to let Cas leave in the middle of the night, it wasn’t safe; that’s what Dean told him.

Cas isn’t sleeping; he can’t. Dean barely explained why Castiel has to leave. All Dean said was that there was something that he couldn’t tell him and it was dangerous and he didn’t have any other choice, but nothing else. Next morning, Cas will leave the bunker, without knowing exactly why he has to go.

The sheet has felt from his shoulder, so Cas picks it up to cover himself. It isn’t a cold night, but he feels cold, almost as cold as he felt when he had to sleep on the outside, with the rain drenching him. And he feels sad, frustrated and broken, more than ever. Things of being human.

Castiel knows that he should have said something to Dean, to persuade him to let him stay, because, although Dean told him that he knows where Cas can stay, he wants to be in the bunker, he wants to be with Dean and Sam, and with Kevin too, he wants to be part of that family, his family, but he can’t because of some nonsense reasons that Dean told him. He still doesn’t understand any of that.

He buries his head on the pillow, closing his eyes in a fiercely way, pulling the sheet up, until it covers his ears. Cas has his cheeks hot and red and he lets out a sob, but tears doesn’t fall. Maybe he fucked up something again, he always fucks things up.

Everything hurts, but what hurts Castiel more than anything is to leave Dean one more time. He has left him a lot of times, more than he wished, and now, he has to leave him again, but the worst part is that Dean is the one asking Cas to leave. And Cas doesn’t want to leave Dean, not again, not now, not even in the future; he is tired of that, he wants to stay with Dean, because he needs him, and now more than ever. Everything seemed so nice and happy in the bunker before Dean told Cas that he couldn’t stay. Castiel’s heart breaks as those words resonate in his head one more time.

He snuggles in himself, ending in a fetal position. He hugs the pillow in a desperate way. He wants to wake up the next morning and know that he can stay in the bunker. But he knows that it isn’t going to happen. He feels left behind and Cas wonders if Dean ever felt like that when Castiel disappeared and Dean hadn’t any news from him during months. Castiel now understands why Dean acted so pissed off with him when Cas was in the bunker after losing the angel tablet.

Castiel takes a deep breath and squeezes the fluffy pillow. He thinks he deserves that, after everything he has done, but he wants to be selfish for the first time in his life; he wants to clunk Dean and never let him go. He wants to know why Dean wants him out of the bunker, and he wants a truth answer, not empty sentences. He wants Dean, why can’t he have him?

Since he is human, his emotions has become stronger and he always felt something for Dean, but now, it is more intense, and when he opened his eyes, after dying by April’s hand, and he saw Dean, with his stunning green eyes filled with worry, Cas’ heart skipped a beat and something that he never felt before ran his body. He wanted to hug Dean in that moment, to be wrapped in Dean’s arms and feel safe.

Cas opens his eyes; he is alone in that bedroom, surrounded by the darkness. He wishes he could be in the same bed as Dean. He wants to be lying down with Dean, both of them covered by the sheets, with Dean’s arm cuddling him while Cas’ arm is stretched over Dean’s chest. He wants to feel Dean’s breathing and how it feels to have his legs tangled with Dean’s, how nice it is to feel their hairy legs, tickling them. He wants to be flooded in Dean’s smell, like cotton and ground. He wants to feel Dean’s warmth in his skin. He wants to stroke gently Dean’s hair and his face. He wants to look very closely at Dean’s freckles, the ones he had in his face. He wants to kiss him every time he feels to. He wants to have sex with Dean, to make him feel a lot of things, to hear him moaning his name, to feel Dean in that wonderful way.

He bites his lower lip, doubting. Would it be too wrong if he went to Dean’s room and he started kissing him and they had sex? He doesn’t think about it too long. He needs to do that. If that it’s going to be his last night in the bunker, his last night under the same roof as Dean, they should seize the night. He is nervous about it, but despite of that, Castiel gets up from the bed and opens the door, walking through the hall towards Dean’s bedroom.

As he walks he thinks how he is going to do all of that. He is going to get in the room, he is going to open the room and he will wake up Dean, who will look at him in a confused way as Cas kneels in the bed, but Cas won’t care about it; he is going to cup Dean’s face and he is going to kiss him. Then, Dean will embrace Cas, and they will kiss for several moments, only breaking the kisses to breathe. Then, they will take off their clothes, and Cas will lay above Dean, and once they are fully naked, Dean will take Cas’ hands to hold them, he will stop the kiss to look at Cas, to show him his smirk, that smirk that Castiel loves a lot of and then, Dean will kiss him again, and after that, Cas will fuck him. Their breathing will start to be labored, their hearts will be beating really fast, their bodies will soon be covered in sweat and they will feel each other in a way that they have never felt before. Cas will rock his body, moving his cock inside Dean, as Dean jerks his hips because he loves to feel Cas inside him, making him to feel that pleasure. Cas won’t help a smile, because the faces Dean is making are marvelous, but the sounds coming out from his mouth are even better. Dean will tighten Cas’ hands and shiver and say really loud Cas’ name every time Cas’ cock touches his prostate, he even will shake his hips to feel Cas’ cock inside him better. Cas will be moaning because he has wanted to feel Dean in that way for too long and it is even better than he imagined. He will move his cock inside Dean, pushing it out and in, in a hard way a few times as he tries to kiss Dean. And Dean will come and will lose his mind because Cas is fucking him, and some moments after, Cas will come inside Dean, losing his mind as well. Cas knows that Dean will smile and will ask Cas to stay inside of him just some more minutes and he will let out a small whine because of the loss of Cas’ cock inside him. They will kiss, they will say that they should have done that a long time ago, and then, they will cuddle until they fall sleep.

And then, what? Castiel will have to leave and everything will hurt even more because he isn’t going to have Dean in that way again. He isn’t sure if Dean is going to pull away when Cas kisses him, because he doesn’t know if Dean wants him in that way.  
Castiel is standing in front of Dean’s bedroom door, with his hand in the doorknob. He looks at the door, and then at his hand. After several seconds, he removes the hand from the doorknob and he stares at the door. Even if Dean wants him in that way, nothing is going to change; he has to leave because Dean wants him to leave.

A tear falls from Castiel’s eye. He needs to feel Dean, to touch him, to kiss him, but he can’t have him, not now, and he isn’t sure if he is ever going to have him. He starts to walk back to his bedroom, with tears in his eyes, falling from them, to end up in the edge of his chin. His steps are slow and his heart hurts with every single one he takes.

It is always like that. They could have that, he knows it, but they can’t. There is always something in between and their moments never go further, it may be because both of them are afraid to open that door although both of them are dying to cross it.

Cas gets in his bed and covers himself and starts crying, wondering if Dean can’t sleep either, if he is thinking about him, if he feels as bad as him in that moment, if he has thought about coming to Cas’ bedroom and doing all those things Cas thought before. A part of him thinks that Dean is, but other part tells him that Dean isn’t, and Cas believes the last one.

Meanwhile, Dean is in his bed, seeing how the empty space in his bed seems bigger than ever, wishing that Cas was there to fill it, but not only tonight, every single night, but he can’t have him. He has broken Cas’ heart, he knows that, and despite wanting to tell Cas a lot of things, to go to his bedroom and kiss him, fuck him, he can’t, because the last thing Cas needs is that, to feel Dean in that way and to know that they won’t have that again. And Dean hates all of that, because he has always wanted Cas to be with him and now, he has pushed him away.

It is going to be a long night for both of them. They are alone in their bedrooms with the only company of the darkness and their crappy emotions, thinking about things that they could have had but they can’t, asking themselves, why are we so messed up?


End file.
